infinity, she said

Sunday, March 06, 2005

so you see, you're everything i want.

sometimes you shoot me right in the head, out of the blue
and then i tell myself, i miss you. sometimes i lie, i look myself in the eye. there's no truth in your eyes that i can find. i tell her, even if i got her back, life wont be the same again. perhaps you didnt know, i looked at myself in the mirror, i told her i felt that she was pretty gay. should i pay you in order to have your love? i think you have to pay me to love you, i told the girl in the mirror, and perhaps also, to the boys of the world. to him, who holds my hand in his or the other who stares at me when i sleep, and the boy who misses me in his dreams. and how ironic, should i have to pick a bookmark that had fallen onto the floor and now in my hand, that titled "serenity"? it read, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference" - Reinhold Niebuhr. for i have been doing the exact other, i've been searching for another you. i should have know such lies would not get me through and through.

1:38 PM