infinity, she said

Saturday, June 11, 2005

tummyache

:) will blog later? i'm having this weird tummyache which comes and goes. hope it's not because of the sweets i ate this afternoon. perhaps it's the dumpling noodles. yes yes, to those concerned, i'm alright now. just a good night's sleep and i'll be jumping around sooner or later.

1344 hrs
the bimbo sashays
...trips and falls flat on her face.

ever had the feeling the past is creeping up to you? i have had great memories from primary school but there's still a part of it which haunts me. to be called a flirt right in front of your face and least expected it. (yea, that's you amanda heng.) fine, so what if i interact better to boys than to girls. maybe it's because partly i hate the fact that women are being seen as the weaker gender (however sometimes it is quite a privilege) or i used to wish i was male. i want to be treated just as a buddy and nothing more. but the girls at the sideview, they see me as a flirt! fine, so be it and if your boys aint any great, they wouldn't be disloyal to you royal highnesses anyway. i aint anyone great and just trying to be myself. if you cant accept me for who i am, i suggest you stay further away from me. it's harder to be a friend when i open my heart to you anyway. so stay a stranger and dont cross my path. my overfriendlyness might just kill you.

perhaps it is due to my willingness to trust and my open heart to accept all as friends that sometimes i expect too much from people. i expect them to be as openhearted and not keep their feelings from me. (sometimes i neglect and in turn take them for granted) however, i am proven wrong time and time. (i never learn my lessons as you can see) not everyone has that ability, everyone has their different characteristics and sometimes it's just plain hard or awkward to tell something that might upset the other (which is me). i do ask often if they are in fact, angry with me, perhaps this question is flawed or just plain insensitive. so they just shut up, let their frustrations build up inside and vent out anger in another way. fine, but if so, you do not want to be honest to me and there's no other way i can make you to anyway; it's just harder to build a strong friendship. but i guess not everyone wants to be a close friend to me either. i'm terribly flawed.

i aint degrading anyone's reputation here right? i might get sued just like what the school said. wouldn't want that to happen, i'm broke enough already. HAHAHA!

and i was wondering yesterday before going to school, if i were to soak myself in a tub of baby lotion for a day or two, maybe a month... perhaps my skin would be one-third as smooth as roy's hands. i wonder why he has such gu niang hands and if what J&J says is true, i'll be getting such smooth hands in no time. HAHAHA, that is if i dont choke the tub with lotion. lotion is gel like substance right (which means it's half solid, half liquid), however i believe you just have to spray the tub with water and the lotion will just flow right in the pipe. I DONT EVEN HAVE A TUB, WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I THINKING ABOUT! HIAK HIAK HIAK :)

i knew the consequence to be so optimistic nowadays. i knew if i find myself falling from optimism, it would be the other extreme, pessismism. here am i, degrading myself to a flirt and a bimbo. yea, i do feel like a bimbo these days, nothing in the head, all in the boobs. the teachers ask me questions which i think i am supposed to know and i answer them incorrectly all the time! i wonder how i got through two semesters without being seen as an airhead. i guess it's all due to my ability to leech off answers from the smart ones. HAHAHA :) truthfully, i really think that i can manage to pull off anything, just not that well as in an A+ or A.

i find myself feeling empty each night i go to sleep. so empty that i have to put on the headphones, cuddle up to the bolster and wait for sleep to bring me in. it's like i'm missing somebody but have no one in mind to miss. it seems harder to miss somebody when you dont know who that somebody is. no one to look forward to or daydream about. how empty it is. weird isn't it? when you have someone in mind, you cant fall asleep for your mind just wonders and revolves around him/her. now your mind is empty, your heart seems to be aching. and you just have to cuddle yourself. perhaps i should love myself and myself alone. now, wouldn't that be such a selfish feeling? yea, it's true i've been making believe that anime is all i need. vincent valentine, neji, naruto etcetc. yes, they are all i need, if only they are here with me. HAHAHA :) fat hope. i know i know, the big fat tummies (HEHEHE!) and the fatty kings are with me.

so, after reading this entry; anyone up to be my personal vincent valentine? perhaps neji, cause he's also that sexy. kisuke urahara sounds yummy too... hmm, i cant make up my mind. can i have them all? *slurp

12:01 AM