infinity, she said

Sunday, October 23, 2005

fine, whatever

i bet you love picking fights with me. it makes sense if i use that as a theory. really, tell me what's the meaning of "dont patronise me, i'm your ex- for crying out loud"? as a pick up line and for introduction. boo, so picking fights with me makes you a friend? all our conversations end up somewhat unhappy, it's either the rude and sudden dial tone (definitely on my part) or mismatched frequency of arguements. i rather shut up than make both of us explode in anger, that is why i dont initiate conversations with you. i'm tired of senseless sarcasm too you know.

sure, i would love to be a friend. would initiating a conversation make me a friend? if that's all it takes, do i get the best friend award too? i dont know my position in your heart, it makes everything troublesome and insecure. what if i'm one of those scum you hate and make you angry? (i always make you flare up, dont i?) so i assumed you were not enjoying our conversations and rather give my attention elsewhere. (and i did warn you about my best friends being priority and you took that fact so seriously, we ended up arguing again.) sure these sound like excuses well, think about it; i'm only human too (different perspectives, different mindsets and dferent priorities). i want to make people happy so i in turn, get some joy out of it too.

i dont know what you like to talk about. should i lick your boots and make you happy, myself miserable and the world at your knees? or perhaps we have something in common (that would be something different), we'll both be happy and the world's at peace. i dont know, but hell it doesn't seem like option 2. sure, i keep in contact, ask your cousin, i'm always here. she calls, why cant you. how would i know when you need me or not? you have other friends too and so do i. (yet again, whether i am one of the important people you need) you dont just come bursting in and ask questions, demanding answers, do try to act more subtle.

not everything should be blamed on you. i had never asked you either whether you needed me. everything online is so technical, we dont know the tone of sarcasm used, we misinterpret the sentences and end up having big fights. i never know when you need me, never initiated and never bothered to. i'm pretty heartless, i never gave you much thought, perhaps once or twice and end up wondering (what happened). perhaps i thought giving you some space from me was correct because you were always more sensitive while i, on the other hand am a clueless, unobservant and insensitive birdbrain.

well, save me from pointless assumptions. tell me just what i need to do to be a proper friend. perhaps our definitions of friendship differ, i dont know. coffee would be nice.

10:58 PM