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VERILLYN
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
influential mind to heart, vice versa
i'm sorry to myself for keeping stuff all in but i cant say it out cause it just doesn't seem right only until i'm being forced to a corner. i dont want to let anyone in, my heart can only take that much. it screams i want to i want to i want to, but even when i want to get close i'm afraid. the moments are jinxed and it just doesn't seem right to spoil the image i've been keeping: a bright sunny monster whose grin reaches her eyes. i feel i've given half my life into my internship, all those breakdowns, defending myself with bare arms, listening then gossiping. i've yet to step new ground, breathe some fresh air but it seems i'm all worn out already. my last movie before the lake house was take the lead i think. then the subsequent major events in life: projects and funerals. night shifts and verbal insults/tears in the office. yea this year's been some hot-shot, but will i remember it in the days to come? i'm becoming senile, i start to forget.
i need a gunshot through my head or my heart. it's either the processing or the feeling - not both at the same time.
11:10 PM